a verse for you ..

when dreams take flight – when oceans roar -when you heart stops in mid beat

is the constant roar in your head – one of anxiety or dread

certainly it can be said – life is not lived, if you have not experienced the pain of a broken heart.

you surrender to the tears, to the empty void and aching in your soul

it is such moments that you realize that the pain, the emptiness is a void too real to be ignored

To you my son, I can only say, I feel your pain, and I share your sorrow.  But, I know.. for I have lived such days, there is always tomorrow.

A tomorrow filled with sunlight, skies so blue you drown in the glory of the day.  Your heart will fly free carried by the wings of life.  I pray each and every day, that love will set you free.  I believe in you… always have and always will.

From a Mother to her son. 11.27.2019

nick may 11b


The loss

hound face paw

Unexpected is when something happens you are not expecting, or prepared for.  Yet even knowing that death is immanent, that it is jut a  matter of time.  The loss is a void without words, without reprieve.


I struggle at times to find the words,  or a way of expressing how I feel, then I found this picture.  I could relate.  It is not a burden to be carried, it simply IS.



It doesn’t mean that life stops, it doesn’t. My physical being is still intact, still living, laughing, loving and yet….  “I” am not the same.

Nick may 11a

There is life in and under the water, but should I try to live there, I would not survive. I am a creature of the land, I need air to breathe.

nick may 11b

beauty is everywhere, life is precious, how many hours and days have been squandered by trying to hold on to the past, or relive what was.

I can only appreciate the underwater world through a lens, or with special equipment that would allow me to visit for a very short time.

Acceptance of the limitations is the only way to heal.

My thanks to the authors of the photos used today, they helped me through a time of grieving, that I needed to express.


Q 1.11.14_001


SailerMoon (Sai)

SailerMoon March3They didn’t want to stare, but what was SailerMoon doing home.  She had been assigned years ago to the far East, no one thought she would be back so soon.  Certainly not without some communication.  Rosie was not on campus, so it was a total surprise.  Not that they weren’t happy to see her, they were.  Just that, unusual for them,. they were speechless.

As she got closer into the room they could see that she had light scars on her forehead, but aside from that, Sai looked pretty good.

“Hello everyone” Sai’s voice was cheerful, but they detected an edge, and a weariness that didn’t show on her face.

Suddenly they were all clamouring to say hello to her  personally, and wanting to know how she was.

SailerMoon 3.11.18cHer beautiful long hair looked shorter, and where it had been lustrous and healthy, it looked like it was in the process of regaining its vitality. Her eyes held a sadness, although she was smiling, the smile didn’t quite reach her brown doe like eyes.

Knowing she couldn’t put off explaining to her friends, Sai said down, took the coffee offered her,  and sat back in the chair by the fireplace.  This had always been her favourite room, it could be quiet and peaceful, and on other occasions when they were planning an operation, it was the hub of activity.

Everyone had pulled up chairs and were waiting for her to settle in, and begin her story.

“I will keep it short” Sai began, “first let me tell you how wonderful it is to be here and see you all again.”  This time, her smile was warm and they could see she radiated her happiness , her eyes held the twinkle they all loved.

“Friends are so important” she continued.  “When I left, I was so keen to get going, that I was thinking only of my new assignment.  A new home, a new family, and it was not going to be a dangerous assignment where we walk thin lines.” She sighed, “I let my guard down, something we’re taught never to do.  We are always to be present and aware of our circumstances.”

Looking around, she saw the concern in the eyes that were looking back at her.  They were figuring it out.  How lucky she was to have such good friends, family and co-workers.  “The family I was sent to live with, had a couple of children, a boy and a girl. At first it was fun, I got new clothes, and I was taken everywhere.”

Her friends saw the shadow cross her face while she stopped to sip on her coffee.  “It was while my playmates were at school that I began to hear angry voices, and the constant quarreling of the parents.  For awhile their discord was kept from the children, but the time arrived, when neither parent could suppress the anger and resentment they felt and would lash out while the children were awake.”

“It became clear that the anger was no longer providing a safe environment for the children, but before I could formulate a plan, and contact headquarters”  here she paused, and the pain of remembering caused her whole body to spasm.  “There was a physical altercation, other family members got involved, it got out of control, the children and I were left to fend for ourselves, it was not pretty.”

“My friends have been taken into foster care, and I was thrown out. Discarded”  A shudder ran through the room, as they pictured what had happened. “I was picked up by a lady passing by, I was unable to move, the debris and discarded items from the house were dumped outside,  a big box had fallen over my body”  My clothes were torn, dirty, my hair had been pulled and trampled on as I lay unprotected on the ground.  Then when the debris was thrown over me, I was lucky that my head was not crushed.”

A gasp and a few groans escaped the lips of her friends, who stayed quiet … waiting for her to finish.  No one wanted to interrupt.  “The lady took me home, cleaned me up, and gave me new clothes.  She was kind, but all I wanted then was to come back here.  I thanked  her, and made my way back home.  All I want now is to rest, and gather my strength again.  The human world is very volatile and unsettling.  I know you all have questions, and yes,  I will be available for questions, but not now…”

With that, she slowly got up, and made her way to her old room.

SalierMoon 3.11.18 hair


Till next time…..


Sailer-Moon (Sai) is a MapleLea doll she hails from Nunavut is of Inuit heritage


jemma 2.6.18It was not the best light, but Jemma was determined to find the place on the map that Rosie had mentioned to her earlier.    She had been distracted by an incoming call, and now she was having to focus.

In the background, she heard voices, but refused to let them distract her further from her quest.  She was being called, frowning, she looked down at her phone, it was silent.

Jan 14_023

Looking up at the monitor, she saw where the voices were coming from.  It looked like a deserted waiting station, maybe at an old now defunct railway line. She knew the feed was recording, and had to decide to watch, or wait and play it back when she had more time.

Deciding that her current task needed her attention, she bend down to study the map again.  No sooner had her eyes left the screen when she heard  the sound of gun shots.

Jan 14_026

Why was Xsa lying down, had she been shot, who was the stranger she was with, he seemed to be trying to make her comfortable.  Why hadn’t Kit gone down, where was Chen-May?  She had only just looked down.. She knew while the taping was active, there was no tampering with the monitor.. She would have to wait to know more.

Jan 14_019


The picture on the screen changed, she could see the fog was rolling in, the train was off the tracks, darn, she wished she could focus in closer.  Sighing, she returned to the task at hand and the map that was patiently waiting for her full attention.

Stay tuned


Jemma, American Girl

Xsa & stranger, SL Avatars

SL http://www.secondlife.com     a virtual world




There was a lot of giggling but Jemma managed to get the outfit on that Rosie had sent her.  She couldn’t help but think that this would be fun, if some-what odd.  All her medical studies, and earned degrees were what landed her this assignment, but… as she looked down at her nurse’s uniform, she was going to be an assistant to a Vet.

Jemma 1.24.Rosie

Funnier still was that Rosie was going to be her boss, and putting her skills and past experiences to good use as the specialist in the psychology of pampered pets.  No matter their size.  As Rosie came in, she noticed that even with the change of clothes, she still wore her pearls.

Both the stethoscope and Rosie’s ear phones had been doctored to take in all the sounds around them, and transmit them back to the surveillance room.  They had the ability to do visual tracks as well, but both Jemma and Rosie could also send back images as they saw fit.

Jemma 1.24 RosieRosie looked down at her rubber boots, and laughed, “do you think they go with the pearls” she quipped …  Jemma’s footwear was also water proofed, they had electronic receivers in the heels and small cameras in the toes.  Nothing was being left to chance.  Everything big or small, meaningful, or plain boring, it would all be recorded and kept in chronological order till input could be reviewed and relevant information kept till it was needed.

For now they had to make sure everything was stored in a way that they could retrieve it at a later day.  What was insignificant now, could mean a lot at a future date.

They were not trained to work, their work was their lives.  Working and everything that went with it, was their reason for living, they loved what they did.  Every day was a challenge and a new opportunity to hone their skills.  Training was living.  The more they learned, the more they thrived.

After inspecting each other, and making sure their communication tools were working like they should be, they prepared to head out.

Rosie smiled, “finally another adventure in the field, not just behind her desk coordinating the technicalities and logistics of the sting, she was actually going to be able to work in a field she loved, advanced healing for animals”  Jemma with her experience as a military surgeon who had worked inside enemy lines often under the most primitive conditions would be there to work along side of her..  Yes, a good partnership indeed.

stay tuned.


Rosie- Our Generation doll

Jemma – American Girl #28

clothing, accessories, props, Our Generation



Jemma 1.17.18Jemma was tired, she had been hours reviewing the pictures that Kit and ChenMay had sent back, looking them over one at a time, seeing if she could see anything that stood out.  Yumi would come in later and they would put them up on the big screen and review them one by one all over again.

It had been later in the day, it was eerie in the sense that the places looked like they had just been abandoned.  Where did the people go, why did they leave.  Chen’s contact had taken up one of the old rooms where she had found a desk to work from.

Jan 13_012

This was where they were to meet up and exchange information, and views about what each had  come up with.  Xsa was a doll herself, only she stayed pretty much in adult character, it was what she had been designed for.  When it came to the world of “dolls” they all shared the same special skills, and abilities that escaped most human adults.

If at one time they had understood and been able to connect to the realities/capabilities of the doll world,  as they matured they lost the ability to stay connected.

Jemma’s thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of a bell, someone was approaching.  Her eyes caught the glint of steel on the hand cuffs she saw on the table.  Quickly she closed down her reader, to get up to go towards the main rooms.

stay tuned


fireplace is part of the Our Generations Accessories

Jemma – American Girl #28

Xsa – virtual avatar, Second Life



After walking some distance, in silent communication, Chen stopped and pointed in a direction that would take them off the path they had been following.  “I think this is a better way, if we should be followed, it won’t be as easy if we take the deer trail.  Someone would have to know the signs they don’t shout out to leisure hikers.  Kit nodded and they changed direction, Chen leading.  It would be single file till they were clear of the park trail.

Jan 14_004

“interesting find” said Kit.  They had been walking for about a mile further into the dense woodland, and had come across a clearing.  Taking a closer look at the bike, they agreed that it hadn’t been there that long.  the buildings in and around the clearing, looked abandoned, they wouldn’t know for sure until they explored some more.

stay tuned.




“You ready for this” Kit looked at Chen May’s hat and wondered, how Chen thought that hat would go unnoticed.  They were supposed to be hikers off for an afternoon adventure.  Chen’s hat made her look like she was a juvenile delinquent, skipping school. Chen could hear Kit’s unspoken concern in her voice, but decided to ignore it.  After all, if she was to be an innocent, she should look like one.  “I am, old girl, let’s head, you can lead the way..

“Alright you two,” said the voice in their ear, “remember you are off on an afternoon hike, taking advantage of the nice weather”  “Did one of you think to bring a camera?” Both girls whipped out their cell phones, “we will make do with these” said Chen.

“Head for the abandoned buildings, watch for strangers, and be careful, the fog could roll in once you reach an altitude beyond the main park trails”  They heard the sound of a chair and then Yumi’s voice was back, “sorry wanted to adjust the monitor so I could keep track of your movements.  I will be here till Rosie comes in to relief me.  Be careful”

There was a  crisp click as Yumi signed off, leaving them to continue their trek up the trail, making their way towards the less used parts of the park.

Stay tuned

Jan 13_006

yumi rosie 14a

Yumi and Rosie


Jan 13_001

The warehouse looked empty, no one seemed to be around.  It was a little too quiet, there was no animal or birds sounds, and they are surrounded by a lot of forest.

Jan 13_004

Then she spotted the man, off to the side, looking towards the empty warehouse. Not wanting to meet up with him, or to give up her vantage point, she instead, took his picture to send back to Yumi.

Jesse aka Yumi 1.13.18

Yumi heard her phone, but let it go to voice mail. She Rosie and Kit were busy looking at the map, trying to determine what was around the warehouse that Chen-May had found. If it was urgent, she knew Chen would send the alert to her phone.  Technology had come a long way, Yumi was the top engineer in her field, she had been teamed up with Chen years ago, their ability and know how when it came to electronics and engineering  was well known.  Both excelled and had proven themselves over the years to be formidable operators.

Jesse aka Yumi and KitChen would maintain surveillance, and move on to meet up with their contact person from the other agency.

Jan 13_010

Chen had made her way to the area she was to meet her contact.  Her martial art skills, meant that she was able to move silently through the woodlands.  Silently she watched as the woman, also silent in her movements, made her way to the meeting place.

Jan 13_007

The old lookout was a good place … the woman had chosen wisely.  From where she sat, no one could creep up or surprise her.  Chen May smiled in approval.  The meeting would be a good one.  Meanwhile she knew  Yumi and Kit would be working out the next step.  Time to meet her contact.

Stay tuned


Yumi, aka Jesse is an Our Generation doll she is related to Rosie

Fog rolls in

Innes V V 3

Not the kind of day to be out walking, thought Kit.  She looked around her with a pensive look, as she scanned the lounge, she saw that her friends had not arrived yet.  Leonie now lived a distance away, having gone to live with a military couple not too far from the base.  She doubted she would show up, especially that the radio was announcing a flash freeze.

” Hey Kit” Jemma called out…. turning towards the fireplace, Kit saw that Jemma was nestled in a chair with her book.  “Gosh I didn’t see you come in” Kit said as she walked over to where Jemma was sitting.  “Truth be told, I didn’t see you either” smiled Jemma,” was busy reading about my next assignment, I hear you got yours the other day?” It was more like a statement, rather than a question.  Kit smiled at her friend, but didn’t answer, she waved as she saw Rosie heading their way.

Both girls sang out a greeting as Rosie drew nearer.  “Hi Rosie, you made it across the grounds, or did you use the underground walkway?” Jemma asked as Kit moved to find a chair to pull up next to the fireplace.

“Neither” laughed Rosie, as she went over to stand near Jemma.  “I was in the library, doing some research.”  Jemma and Kit looked at each other with grins on their faces, they knew how Rosie like to make sure she researched all the details that would be required for the different projects/operations to  proceed effectively …  they lovingly called her Ms Efficiency, not only when talking about her when she was not around, but sometimes directly to her, when in teasing moods.

“Leonie called, and is not coming,” said Rosie, “so let us grab coffee, tea, whatever you like, so we can then settle down to looking at some maps and do some brain storming.

planning 2

stay tuned

Jemma is AG doll #28

Leonie is a MapleLea doll, Canadian